Master The Art Of Corporate Speak To “Impress” Your Colleagues With These 5 Words
If you have been through enough work emails and meetings, you have probably encountered a fair number of the infamous phrases like “please revert” and “play by ear”. You might also have found yourself wondering at meetings, "they're talking, but I have no idea what they're saying."
Chances are, you might be a victim of corporate jargon: a brand of vocabulary characterised by complex terms that often mean very little but sound very profound.
If you think “circle back” is cliché and passé, here are 5 new words you can use to soar to the top of the corporate speak ladder.
1. Confluence
Want to sound like you just came out of a management consulting seminar? Throw "confluence" into the mix. Use it when you want to be vague about anything you’re merging, such as skills or knowledge areas, but you don’t know exactly how it will help. If you need another word for “holistic”, this is the new kid on the block.
How it’s often used: "The confluence of technology and art has created a new wave of digital masterpieces."
What it really means: The coming together or merging of different elements, such as departments, ideas, or expertise. Try using “merging” or “joining” if you need everyone to understand you.
2. Pernicious
Nothing says, "I like Victorian novels" like the word "pernicious". It sounds like you’re preaching from an evil lair in a secluded castle in Central Europe, and it is perfect for pointing out issues while sounding smart and staying one step ahead of the problem. It’ll seem like you are acutely aware of the issue while subtly implying that you are the only one who recognises it (even though we all know that others see it too).
How it’s often used: "The pernicious effects of climate change are becoming increasingly evident.”
What it really means: Having a harmful effect, particularly in a gradual or subtle way.
3. Paradigm
Not to be confused with the nice mall in Malaysia, "paradigm" is perfect for when you want to sound like you are proposing a groundbreaking shift in thinking when even you know it isn’t. Whether you have a deep understanding of broader patterns within your industry, or want to make it seem like you do, it can be particularly powerful when suggesting a new approach with major changes instead of minor ones.
How it’s often used: “The transition to a 5-day work week from a 5.5-day work week marked a paradigm shift in productivity and employee satisfaction.”
What it really means: A typical example or pattern of something; a model.
4. Granular
Granular isn’t a breakfast cereal (that’s granola). Using it implies that you are not satisfied with a superficial understanding and are committed to diving deep into details to uncover meaningful insights. It's perfect for those moments when you want to impress everyone with your thoroughness—or just want to sound unnecessarily complex.
How it’s often used: “If you look at the granular details of the proposal, you’ll notice that they do not meet the requirements.”
What it really means: Involving or composed of small, detailed elements or components.
5. Actionable Insights
“Actionable insights” is a corporate euphemism for “useful information”. It suggests a clear objective, but often leaves you staring at a blank roadmap, without practical guidance. These insights often promise to revolutionise your work, yet frequently deliver nothing more than a fleeting sense of enlightenment.
How it’s often used: "We need to generate actionable insights to drive revenue growth.”
What it really means: Useful information that can be acted upon
Simpler is Better:
The author of Animal Farm, George Orwell, once famously wrote: “The great enemy of clear language is insincerity”. If used too often and too frivolously, corporate jargon can come across as convoluted, but perhaps that’s why it works so well at remaining vague while sounding somewhat relevant to the topic.
If you want to aim for clarity, then perhaps avoid these 5 words in your next email or conversation. Instead, heed Orwell’s advice that simplicity and precision is best, as vague, jargon-filled language conceals the truth.
If you want to be clear, honest, and understood, avoid using words like “axiomatic” or “cerebral” in your emails any time soon. Save those for the script of your movie review podcast that you may or may never start.
Sep 11, 2024
Marc Ashley Alexander
Joshua Yeo