Before We Begin: The Mindsets To Have
Know that everyone in a dialogue will have their own opinions and perspectives on the same topic, just as you have your own.
It’s important to come into conversations being curious and wanting to learn, rather than “to just state your point and wanting to be right”, says Debra. The latter is about seeking validation, not conversation.
Practise Positive Visualisation
Positive visualisation is a technique to mentally prepare for an event by using one’s imagination to visualise a desired future outcome. For Basil, before going into a dialogue session, he pictures a circle with “360 degrees of lines” all converging and congregating in the centre of the circle.
He says: “I tend to go into conversations with that visual imagery and mental model in my mind such that when I'm sitting there, whether I'm a regular participant or facilitator, I'm already assuming that everybody's coming from everywhere, with a diversity of views.”
Set Ground Rules Before Starting the Dialogue
Ground rules encourage group safety, which enables more candid conversations.
One ground rule could be to practise individuality, Nick says. This means you speak for yourself, and not as a representative for a group or community – whether that’s of your race, religion or organisation.
Similarly, be open to seeing and listening to others as individuals, rather than taking their views as representative of their entire community.
Other basic rules include being respectful, not interrupting when others are speaking, and treating others as you would like to be treated.
Find more ground rules and tips for having conversations, online or offline.
How To Have Meaningful Conversations
Have Conversations Face To Face
The best conversations are done face to face so that facial expressions and verbal nuances can be observed. Dialogues over text or social media can often stop at a superficial level, be easily misinterpreted or degenerate into echo chambers, name-calling or worse.
Visual cues help to enable better communication and listening. For virtual conversations, encourage everyone to turn on their cameras and use the gallery view in Zoom.
It’s Not Always the Words You Say, but How You Say Them
This means to be careful and intentional with your tone of voice and your facial expressions, even when you disagree strongly.
Look out too for the body language of others participating in the dialogue. For example, shifts in posture such as someone leaning forward in their chair but staying quiet can indicate that a participant wants to speak up, but is hesitating or waiting for a turn.
This is when you can prompt others to share their views and invite everyone else to “just be open and listen”, says Debra. “People naturally self-censor more than we give them credit for.”