Have All the Good Ones Really Been Taken?

Matchmaker Anisa Hassan thinks otherwise.
Have All the Good Ones Really Been Taken? Anisa Hassan

So the New Year has rolled in again and Valentine’s Day is just round the corner. You know that this time, your search for that soulmate will be at the top of your resolutions list again, just like last year and the years before.

In the past, you only had your boss to blame for inundating you with endless deadlines and assignments. Now, you’re panicking. You need to find another excuse for not living your happily-ever-after just yet. And then it hits you: “Ah ha! All the good ones are taken!”

Having been in the dating and relationship industry for almost a decade, I can share with you that this oft-used statement could not be further from the truth.

If you think all the good ones are taken, you might have been looking in the wrong places. If you have been looking to find that someone special at typical hangouts like clubs, bars and pubs, my suggestion is, try the more non-usual places that may tilt in your favour demographically. For instance, the ladies may want to check out photography classes or join car-enthusiast clubs where there’s an overwhelming supply of men. The men may want to attend cooking or yoga classes where there is no shortage of women in attendance.

There are plenty of people out there who are also looking for a partner, so it is a matter of finding them. There are other reasons why people stay single.

They could be giving up without even trying. People (women particularly) love to huddle up to talk about the peaks and valleys of relationships. The problem is that others’ tales of misfortune could really dishearten you. Don’t put your love life on hold simply because your good friends have been emotionally bruised. Don’t rob yourself of the experience of dating and being vulnerable just because “others had it bad”.

Trust me, you’re not the first and will definitely not be the last single in your 30s, 40s or 50s to find love.

Then there are those who might have recently lived through a broken relationship who tend to swear off dating as a way to cope with their pain. This knee-jerk reaction is understandable, but it should not be confused for a permanent solution. Instead, what you need to do is to acknowledge that the break-up was painful, frustrating or even embarrassing. After all, you had invested emotionally in it. Still, lessons could be drawn from that episode and you could emerge wiser from it.

Once you’ve found complete closure, have some time to think through the important, non-negotiable attributes you’re looking for in the next person. It would help if you list them down. Equally important is to be completely honest with yourself and ask if you were someone else, would you want to date you?

Whichever of the above you are, once you have decided to look for love, leave no stone unturned.

I stress again, don’t be embarrassed about being single at whatever age. Trust me, you’re not the first and will definitely not be the last single in your 30s, 40s or 50s to find love.

Tell your closest friends – and even the dry-cleaners, masseuses, baristas, teachers, coaches and yoga instructors – you’re looking to meet decent, wholesome people who will be good for you. If they have your best interests at heart, they’ll help you in your quest.

Do whatever it takes to improve your odds of meeting someone new and interesting. There are still millions of single people out there and chances are, they’re also looking. So go on, ask for help.

Once you have met someone new, don’t take it for granted and don’t try to change that person. If there’s one thing I know about relationship, the harder you work on yourself, the better the relationship works!


Anisa Hassan is an award-winning entrepreneur of the international dating agency, It’s Just Lunch Asia. She has changed the way her clients view dating and has successfully paired more than 200 couples in Singapore. Anisa is also an internationally certified relationship coach where she helps transform her clients’ personal beliefs and increases their attractor-factor.

    Jan 16, 2013
    Anisa Hassan
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